Mirror.

"I am looking into the eyes of He who made me..."

Beauty ?

Have you ever fallen asleep with music on & hear it in your dream ?!

" You're beautiful, just the way you are.
And I love it all, every line, and every scar... "

After all the pain I've endured, I'm trying to prove that beauty exists in me. That hope resides in this heart once broken. So that I may kick old habits that destruct who God made me to be. I'm trying to accept the grace of God and that He didn't make any mistakes in making me the way I am. I want my story to be known. I want girls who feel empty and alone to know the steadfast love He has for us as I am learning. I want them to believe in hope and recovery.


A friends encouraging words helped me through the night...

Look in the mirror in the morning and say :
You are beautiful.
You are important.
You are precious.
You are special.
You are His beloved.
You are His daughter.

& Danielle Margaret Jordan
you are a beautiful, precious, and beloved miracle.
(thank you friend) :)

Fire & Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-- Robert Frost

Look what I got !

"You have to promise not to use this against me."

(& I promised) yeah, right ;) !

Janu bought me a pink camera for our one year anniversary. Wait til you see his gift.

(pictures to come)

Good Morning Beautiful

"& the white rose breathes of love"

I woke up to these at my door this morning. Thank you Janu <3

I miss you tonight.

I saw your eyes again tonight in an Italian restaurant. Compassion glistened in them, and your son smiled back at me. He resembles you so much, but I don't have the courage to breathe your name. I don't want to upset him, although I know your memory instills his heart every second of every day.

His smile reminds me so of yours. Warm, most welcoming, and contagious in countless ways. Gosh, I wish so much for another day to share a conversation with you about anything & everything. One more hug. To hear that laugh of yours fill the room. I would give anything to hear you call me your daughter.


Love carried us here tonight, and though we don't mention it, you're on our minds and buried in our hearts. I find a star in the sky, and whisper to you through the car window:

"I wish you were here for this..."



I find myself saying that a lot lately, because before everything made sense. Made sense to him - to me - and to our lives. Without you, something is missing and we all feel it. I miss coming over your house and you welcoming me with open arms. Your chair is empty, and knowing that you won't be home tonight scares me. Your home is with God now.

Will you still watch over them as you did before ? Please assure them they'll be alright, because I can't seem to find the words. Hold them and promise them all the things I cannot. Teach me how to love as you did, give me strength and courage to help your family through this. You're the closest I've had to a dad, hold me too. Teach me how to fly...


Rest in Peace John Philip Brochhausen
August 27th 1957 - June 5th 2008 <3

You're not alone.

My heart has like any others, ached. But in His love, has been renewed.
At Elevate earlier this month, Pastor Bert spoke about fear, and being afraid to let God close to our hearts. So I ask, why are we SO afraid ? He already knows our thoughts, our fears and wishes. Why do we push Him away ? Why can't we live to know He who has created us ?
We need to replace that fear, with Faith. God never forsakes us, nor does He let go of us. He is the beat of our hearts, the breath in our lungs. He's the all powerful, healer and Creator I've come to know.
"Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."
- Romans 8:14-17.
("Abba" is Aramaic for Father)
He heals brokenness and replaces sorrow with joy. He silences weeping with smiles. He takes what man has broken and makes it beautiful.
His perfect love casts out fear & in the storms of this life, we need not turn back, know He is near. Fear no evil, God is with you. You are never alone !
So I pray tonight, for all those hearts who have wandered off their path and have lost sight of God. Those who have given up. Those hearts who push Him away or do not know Him. I pray you open your hearts to His light, and you will never be the same.