12.17.2009
Goodbye.
maybe i tried too hard
to hold onto the childhood i never had
i tried to reconnect lines
the ones i knew i shouldn't have
i've forgiven you for leaving
but, don't ever come back.
<>
12.15.2009
Put the past behind you.
It started to sink in like a harsh reality. Like quicksand.
Before I could say anything, we were already sinking.
I put everything I had on the line for you, and you walked away.
Sometimes I wonder - was it even worth it ?
I thought it was.
(unfinished.)
5.09.2009
your memory, lives in me.
June 2008.
3rd.
My heart beats fast and hard in the waiting room down the hall. The sound of fear filled the air. I stared at the painting on the ceiling. Butterflies, soaring through the sky. Floating on each breath of wind amongst the clouds. I wish you were free like them. "Today wasn't a good day..." But I was told - he loves me like a daughter; his daughter.
4th.
I kept hearing the word "pain". My heart ached & prayed. I wanted to see his face. Hold his hand. Pray for healing and strength with him. Tell him not to give up. Then I was called into his room. Silence. No one spoke a word. The sound of weeping broke the air. I understood this word pain now. There it was again, the still quiet and cold. The painting on the ceiling, sailboats. Gliding along the waves of the shore, being tossed and following the footsteps of the wind. I want you to dance with me. There's so much I don't know about you. There's spo much left to teach us. He opened his eyes and was told I was there. "I'm not dressed for the occasion" he said, and I had to leave. It finally crashed my heart - fast ! And those were the last words I heard from his lips.
5th.
This heart pounded with worry all day, and I tried to go through it as normal as possible. Everyone asked me questions I couldn't bear to answer. Just as my mind drifted off of it, a message rang my phone: "my father passed at 4:44pm" and I ran away, broke down, and I was never the same. I was confused and angry. This doesn't happen to good people. You don't lose your parents this young, this isn't real, it just isn't...
The next days were especially hard. He was gone, his picture remains in our minds and hearts. His presence still living on in our smiles and stories. He's still with us. Watching over us as we weep and mourn. As we rejoice and laugh. He's protecting us through his loss. He's with God now I told myself. He's safe and redeemed :)
Almost one year has passed, and it's been so difficult to accept. Through the strength and restoration of Our Father, we find hope and love.
A family is protected. A father is coping. A mother has company. Brothers and sisters find each other, and reminisce. A widow is never alone. Sons become more like him everyday. Family and friends are blessed to have known him.
What a beautiful man.
Rest in Peace John.
We miss you more with every waking sun & passing day <3
3rd.
My heart beats fast and hard in the waiting room down the hall. The sound of fear filled the air. I stared at the painting on the ceiling. Butterflies, soaring through the sky. Floating on each breath of wind amongst the clouds. I wish you were free like them. "Today wasn't a good day..." But I was told - he loves me like a daughter; his daughter.
4th.
I kept hearing the word "pain". My heart ached & prayed. I wanted to see his face. Hold his hand. Pray for healing and strength with him. Tell him not to give up. Then I was called into his room. Silence. No one spoke a word. The sound of weeping broke the air. I understood this word pain now. There it was again, the still quiet and cold. The painting on the ceiling, sailboats. Gliding along the waves of the shore, being tossed and following the footsteps of the wind. I want you to dance with me. There's so much I don't know about you. There's spo much left to teach us. He opened his eyes and was told I was there. "I'm not dressed for the occasion" he said, and I had to leave. It finally crashed my heart - fast ! And those were the last words I heard from his lips.
5th.
This heart pounded with worry all day, and I tried to go through it as normal as possible. Everyone asked me questions I couldn't bear to answer. Just as my mind drifted off of it, a message rang my phone: "my father passed at 4:44pm" and I ran away, broke down, and I was never the same. I was confused and angry. This doesn't happen to good people. You don't lose your parents this young, this isn't real, it just isn't...
The next days were especially hard. He was gone, his picture remains in our minds and hearts. His presence still living on in our smiles and stories. He's still with us. Watching over us as we weep and mourn. As we rejoice and laugh. He's protecting us through his loss. He's with God now I told myself. He's safe and redeemed :)
Almost one year has passed, and it's been so difficult to accept. Through the strength and restoration of Our Father, we find hope and love.
A family is protected. A father is coping. A mother has company. Brothers and sisters find each other, and reminisce. A widow is never alone. Sons become more like him everyday. Family and friends are blessed to have known him.
What a beautiful man.
Rest in Peace John.
We miss you more with every waking sun & passing day <3
4.18.2009
Chuck Norris
lie - you did too ! I love Chuck Norris & I think that his facts are
absolutely hilarious ! I can't help but read them. My friends and I sat
around for hours reading them and hysterically laughing. See for
yourself. Google: Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy :)
"If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
4.13.2009
4.12.2009
Resurrection Day !
Dear Father God,
I am so very blessed with Your love and I thank you for all you have given me. Faith, family & friends. Lord, I pray that everyone has a glorious day to share with You, Father. That the weather is beautiful and still so that we may feel the presence of You. I pray for family and friends near and far to be joyous and loved on this Sunday. Lord God, I pray for Will and Darien, may they have your guidance and protection on their trip to Kenya. Place your hand over them and bestow Your love and wisdom on their hearts. Lord I pray the people of Kenya are overwhelmed with Your presence, open up their minds and hearts to You, Jesus. I pray they continue to live through Your word after our friends depart them. God, I thank You so much for giving me Jason and showing me Your love through him. He has been such a beautiful blessing in my life that I am beyond grateful for. Father God, please guide him through the paths he stumbles upon, keep his heart open to You so he may fully know the love You, Saviour have for him. Please give comfort to his family as they are drawing near to holidays and anniversaries once shared with Your son, John. I pray their cries are silenced with peace and happy memories and are reminded that he is in Your care and watches over them. Lord, I pray for the struggles my family faces in the upcoming months and I pray for strength what may come of it. God I know Your will is in store for us, Father I just pray we get through this together.
In Your Holy name, I pray. Amen.
I am so very blessed with Your love and I thank you for all you have given me. Faith, family & friends. Lord, I pray that everyone has a glorious day to share with You, Father. That the weather is beautiful and still so that we may feel the presence of You. I pray for family and friends near and far to be joyous and loved on this Sunday. Lord God, I pray for Will and Darien, may they have your guidance and protection on their trip to Kenya. Place your hand over them and bestow Your love and wisdom on their hearts. Lord I pray the people of Kenya are overwhelmed with Your presence, open up their minds and hearts to You, Jesus. I pray they continue to live through Your word after our friends depart them. God, I thank You so much for giving me Jason and showing me Your love through him. He has been such a beautiful blessing in my life that I am beyond grateful for. Father God, please guide him through the paths he stumbles upon, keep his heart open to You so he may fully know the love You, Saviour have for him. Please give comfort to his family as they are drawing near to holidays and anniversaries once shared with Your son, John. I pray their cries are silenced with peace and happy memories and are reminded that he is in Your care and watches over them. Lord, I pray for the struggles my family faces in the upcoming months and I pray for strength what may come of it. God I know Your will is in store for us, Father I just pray we get through this together.
In Your Holy name, I pray. Amen.
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