I'm ready to live. Love & laugh again. Be who I was before this began. I held my breath in until it hurt. The enemy made me question my worth. I a m l e t t i n g i t a l l g o . . . Any way the wind blows. Laying it down at the cross where it belongs. To carry out His will, I'm singing my songs. No more hiding in the shadows of where I once was. I almost lost myself and those I've come to love. It'll take some time to finish this road. Surrendering it all, until the end of my rope. I will not be defeated in this fight. Forward I push on not losing sight. Keeping my eyes from the storm and the chaos around me. I can't explain how but it's like learning to breathe. I wont feel the burdens weighing down on me. Like the forest bears a storm's fallen trees. I'll let the wind blow, the rivers flow, the sun shine, my heart be Thine. I'll br graced with life. In the palms of my Creator. The strength of His mercy, there is no love greater. I'll walk with careful feet, trusting He's got a hold on me. With the risen dawn, comes hope of a new day. He broke each fall, when I've gone astray. For I know this storm too shall pass and restoration will come for me. Hope of a new life, a new heart and soul to restore me. This testimony hasn't ended my story to follow, with brand new eyes, Father, I'll embrace each tomorrow.
This year I learned alot about myself. I was suffering for so long, I forgot how to breathe. Every morning it was hard to come to my feet. It felt like I was stuck, trying to get up, but something was pushing me down. I forgot how to laugh and enjoy the life I live. As much as I surrounded myself with people who I care about, I still felt alone, broken or not good enough. I kept questioning God, "why do I feel this? what is wrong with me?" Nothing was ever wrong with me, I just hadn't open my eyes to the entire picture. What I was doing was putting up a wall that sheltered me. I guarded my heart, I became bitter and pushed people away. I felt worthless and un-pretty. Selfish and tossed. But what I couldn't do was close the doors behind me. I let the past overwhelm my present and my future. No matter what I did, I just couldn't stop dwelling. But God promises better than what I've ever known."Forget former things, do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18)& W h a t I c o u l d n ' t a c c e p t w a s - G o d h a s a l r e a d y c o n q u e r e d t h i s . I stayed there for so long, hoping things would get better. That certain things would just go away if I avoided them. When my world would fall apart, I'd give into temporary joy. I already became prisoner. I couldn't find my way, no matter how many paths I tried to find. I gave up too easily. I wouldn't let God into my heart. I kept it locked away with heavy chains no one could pull apart. Not even me. So let me tell you, this has been one heck of a storm. Unlike any I have ever known. But this is where a story begins. My testimony of truth and restoration. The colors of hope and redemption. There is a brighter side, if you just let God in. Let it all go. Completely lay it at His feet. Learn to breathe all over again. Here's a song that's playing in my heart tonight; (Nichole Nordeman, "Sunrise")You are sunrise You are blue skies How would I know the morning If I knew not midnight? You’re my horizon You’re the light of a new dawn So thank You, thank You That after the long night, You are sunrise.-- I pray my story can be inspiration to those who are sinking. There's hope. Darkness lasts for the night, but in the morning, rejoice. After every storm, comes the sun :)Be Blessed, Friends.`. _ Danielle.
12.17.2009
Goodbye.
maybe i tried too hard
to hold onto the childhood i never had
i tried to reconnect lines
the ones i knew i shouldn't have
i've forgiven you for leaving
but, don't ever come back.
<>
12.15.2009
Put the past behind you.
It started to sink in like a harsh reality. Like quicksand.
Before I could say anything, we were already sinking.
I put everything I had on the line for you, and you walked away.
Sometimes I wonder - was it even worth it ?
I thought it was.
(unfinished.)
5.09.2009
your memory, lives in me.
June 2008.
3rd.
My heart beats fast and hard in the waiting room down the hall. The sound of fear filled the air. I stared at the painting on the ceiling. Butterflies, soaring through the sky. Floating on each breath of wind amongst the clouds. I wish you were free like them. "Today wasn't a good day..." But I was told - he loves me like a daughter; his daughter.
4th.
I kept hearing the word "pain". My heart ached & prayed. I wanted to see his face. Hold his hand. Pray for healing and strength with him. Tell him not to give up. Then I was called into his room. Silence. No one spoke a word. The sound of weeping broke the air. I understood this word pain now. There it was again, the still quiet and cold. The painting on the ceiling, sailboats. Gliding along the waves of the shore, being tossed and following the footsteps of the wind. I want you to dance with me. There's so much I don't know about you. There's spo much left to teach us. He opened his eyes and was told I was there. "I'm not dressed for the occasion" he said, and I had to leave. It finally crashed my heart - fast ! And those were the last words I heard from his lips.
5th.
This heart pounded with worry all day, and I tried to go through it as normal as possible. Everyone asked me questions I couldn't bear to answer. Just as my mind drifted off of it, a message rang my phone: "my father passed at 4:44pm" and I ran away, broke down, and I was never the same. I was confused and angry. This doesn't happen to good people. You don't lose your parents this young, this isn't real, it just isn't...
The next days were especially hard. He was gone, his picture remains in our minds and hearts. His presence still living on in our smiles and stories. He's still with us. Watching over us as we weep and mourn. As we rejoice and laugh. He's protecting us through his loss. He's with God now I told myself. He's safe and redeemed :)
Almost one year has passed, and it's been so difficult to accept. Through the strength and restoration of Our Father, we find hope and love.
A family is protected. A father is coping. A mother has company. Brothers and sisters find each other, and reminisce. A widow is never alone. Sons become more like him everyday. Family and friends are blessed to have known him.
What a beautiful man.
Rest in Peace John.
We miss you more with every waking sun & passing day <3
3rd.
My heart beats fast and hard in the waiting room down the hall. The sound of fear filled the air. I stared at the painting on the ceiling. Butterflies, soaring through the sky. Floating on each breath of wind amongst the clouds. I wish you were free like them. "Today wasn't a good day..." But I was told - he loves me like a daughter; his daughter.
4th.
I kept hearing the word "pain". My heart ached & prayed. I wanted to see his face. Hold his hand. Pray for healing and strength with him. Tell him not to give up. Then I was called into his room. Silence. No one spoke a word. The sound of weeping broke the air. I understood this word pain now. There it was again, the still quiet and cold. The painting on the ceiling, sailboats. Gliding along the waves of the shore, being tossed and following the footsteps of the wind. I want you to dance with me. There's so much I don't know about you. There's spo much left to teach us. He opened his eyes and was told I was there. "I'm not dressed for the occasion" he said, and I had to leave. It finally crashed my heart - fast ! And those were the last words I heard from his lips.
5th.
This heart pounded with worry all day, and I tried to go through it as normal as possible. Everyone asked me questions I couldn't bear to answer. Just as my mind drifted off of it, a message rang my phone: "my father passed at 4:44pm" and I ran away, broke down, and I was never the same. I was confused and angry. This doesn't happen to good people. You don't lose your parents this young, this isn't real, it just isn't...
The next days were especially hard. He was gone, his picture remains in our minds and hearts. His presence still living on in our smiles and stories. He's still with us. Watching over us as we weep and mourn. As we rejoice and laugh. He's protecting us through his loss. He's with God now I told myself. He's safe and redeemed :)
Almost one year has passed, and it's been so difficult to accept. Through the strength and restoration of Our Father, we find hope and love.
A family is protected. A father is coping. A mother has company. Brothers and sisters find each other, and reminisce. A widow is never alone. Sons become more like him everyday. Family and friends are blessed to have known him.
What a beautiful man.
Rest in Peace John.
We miss you more with every waking sun & passing day <3
4.18.2009
Chuck Norris
lie - you did too ! I love Chuck Norris & I think that his facts are
absolutely hilarious ! I can't help but read them. My friends and I sat
around for hours reading them and hysterically laughing. See for
yourself. Google: Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy :)
"If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
4.13.2009
4.12.2009
Resurrection Day !
Dear Father God,
I am so very blessed with Your love and I thank you for all you have given me. Faith, family & friends. Lord, I pray that everyone has a glorious day to share with You, Father. That the weather is beautiful and still so that we may feel the presence of You. I pray for family and friends near and far to be joyous and loved on this Sunday. Lord God, I pray for Will and Darien, may they have your guidance and protection on their trip to Kenya. Place your hand over them and bestow Your love and wisdom on their hearts. Lord I pray the people of Kenya are overwhelmed with Your presence, open up their minds and hearts to You, Jesus. I pray they continue to live through Your word after our friends depart them. God, I thank You so much for giving me Jason and showing me Your love through him. He has been such a beautiful blessing in my life that I am beyond grateful for. Father God, please guide him through the paths he stumbles upon, keep his heart open to You so he may fully know the love You, Saviour have for him. Please give comfort to his family as they are drawing near to holidays and anniversaries once shared with Your son, John. I pray their cries are silenced with peace and happy memories and are reminded that he is in Your care and watches over them. Lord, I pray for the struggles my family faces in the upcoming months and I pray for strength what may come of it. God I know Your will is in store for us, Father I just pray we get through this together.
In Your Holy name, I pray. Amen.
I am so very blessed with Your love and I thank you for all you have given me. Faith, family & friends. Lord, I pray that everyone has a glorious day to share with You, Father. That the weather is beautiful and still so that we may feel the presence of You. I pray for family and friends near and far to be joyous and loved on this Sunday. Lord God, I pray for Will and Darien, may they have your guidance and protection on their trip to Kenya. Place your hand over them and bestow Your love and wisdom on their hearts. Lord I pray the people of Kenya are overwhelmed with Your presence, open up their minds and hearts to You, Jesus. I pray they continue to live through Your word after our friends depart them. God, I thank You so much for giving me Jason and showing me Your love through him. He has been such a beautiful blessing in my life that I am beyond grateful for. Father God, please guide him through the paths he stumbles upon, keep his heart open to You so he may fully know the love You, Saviour have for him. Please give comfort to his family as they are drawing near to holidays and anniversaries once shared with Your son, John. I pray their cries are silenced with peace and happy memories and are reminded that he is in Your care and watches over them. Lord, I pray for the struggles my family faces in the upcoming months and I pray for strength what may come of it. God I know Your will is in store for us, Father I just pray we get through this together.
In Your Holy name, I pray. Amen.
3.24.2009
Spring Break 2008 !
I miss you ALL so much !
March 24th - 29th 2008.
Kimmy. Sue. Betsy. Gabi. Brittny. Sarah. Morgan. Monica. Mary-Ellen. Heidi. Elizabeth. Cynthia. Becca. Sophie. Whitney. John-Paul. & a shout out to Versa Emerge ! :)
"I know one day, all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn, and all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes and on that day when we look backwards we will see that everything has changed and all of our trials will be as milestones on the way and as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart."
March 24th - 29th 2008.
Kimmy. Sue. Betsy. Gabi. Brittny. Sarah. Morgan. Monica. Mary-Ellen. Heidi. Elizabeth. Cynthia. Becca. Sophie. Whitney. John-Paul. & a shout out to Versa Emerge ! :)
"I know one day, all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn, and all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes and on that day when we look backwards we will see that everything has changed and all of our trials will be as milestones on the way and as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart."
3.15.2009
3.06.2009
Relay for Life !
Are you interested in contributing a donation to help further Cancer research ? If so - PLEASE let me know ! I'm doing a walk June 6th-7th called Relay for Life to help raise funds and help find a cure.
Relay for Life is a life-altering event that joins together millions of people all for the same cause. We come together and celebrate the lives of those who have battled with Cancer, enhance the strength of those still fighting & remember our loved ones lost to the disease. It's an amazing event that promotes awareness in your community. We're fighting back for an end to this illness.
Why will I Relay ?
One in three people will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. The funds we raise at Relay contribute in saving lives by funding new cancer research to help cure this destructive disease. I've lost a few people to Cancer, and I'm fighting back for a cure !
There is no required amount (or pressure) in donating, if you feel led to give, God bless you ! Any one can make a difference. Nowhere is that more true than with the story of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life.
If it's in your heart to fight back with me, feel free to contact me via email: Fa1thfully4giv3n@aol.com
or you can donate directly to my team: "On Eagle's Wings" on www.relayforlife.org
Fighting for the cure; On Eagle's Wings.
"But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an Eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired." - Isaiah 40:31 <3
Relay for Life is a life-altering event that joins together millions of people all for the same cause. We come together and celebrate the lives of those who have battled with Cancer, enhance the strength of those still fighting & remember our loved ones lost to the disease. It's an amazing event that promotes awareness in your community. We're fighting back for an end to this illness.
Why will I Relay ?
One in three people will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. The funds we raise at Relay contribute in saving lives by funding new cancer research to help cure this destructive disease. I've lost a few people to Cancer, and I'm fighting back for a cure !
There is no required amount (or pressure) in donating, if you feel led to give, God bless you ! Any one can make a difference. Nowhere is that more true than with the story of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life.
If it's in your heart to fight back with me, feel free to contact me via email: Fa1thfully4giv3n@aol.com
or you can donate directly to my team: "On Eagle's Wings" on www.relayforlife.org
Fighting for the cure; On Eagle's Wings.
"But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an Eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired." - Isaiah 40:31 <3
3.02.2009
SHD @ The Wave.
c h e c k o u t m y g o o d f r i e n d s :)
they're well worth it !
2.25.2009
2.23.2009
Beauty ?
Have you ever fallen asleep with music on & hear it in your dream ?!
" You're beautiful, just the way you are.
And I love it all, every line, and every scar... "
After all the pain I've endured, I'm trying to prove that beauty exists in me. That hope resides in this heart once broken. So that I may kick old habits that destruct who God made me to be. I'm trying to accept the grace of God and that He didn't make any mistakes in making me the way I am. I want my story to be known. I want girls who feel empty and alone to know the steadfast love He has for us as I am learning. I want them to believe in hope and recovery.
A friends encouraging words helped me through the night...
Look in the mirror in the morning and say :
You are beautiful.
You are important.
You are precious.
You are special.
You are His beloved.
You are His daughter.
& Danielle Margaret Jordan
you are a beautiful, precious, and beloved miracle.
(thank you friend) :)
" You're beautiful, just the way you are.
And I love it all, every line, and every scar... "
After all the pain I've endured, I'm trying to prove that beauty exists in me. That hope resides in this heart once broken. So that I may kick old habits that destruct who God made me to be. I'm trying to accept the grace of God and that He didn't make any mistakes in making me the way I am. I want my story to be known. I want girls who feel empty and alone to know the steadfast love He has for us as I am learning. I want them to believe in hope and recovery.
A friends encouraging words helped me through the night...
Look in the mirror in the morning and say :
You are beautiful.
You are important.
You are precious.
You are special.
You are His beloved.
You are His daughter.
& Danielle Margaret Jordan
you are a beautiful, precious, and beloved miracle.
(thank you friend) :)
2.08.2009
Fire & Ice
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-- Robert Frost
1.31.2009
Look what I got !
"You have to promise not to use this against me."
(& I promised) yeah, right ;) !
Janu bought me a pink camera for our one year anniversary. Wait til you see his gift.
(pictures to come)
(& I promised) yeah, right ;) !
Janu bought me a pink camera for our one year anniversary. Wait til you see his gift.
(pictures to come)
1.28.2009
Good Morning Beautiful
"& the white rose breathes of love"
I woke up to these at my door this morning. Thank you Janu <3
1.24.2009
I miss you tonight.
His smile reminds me so of yours. Warm, most welcoming, and contagious in countless ways. Gosh, I wish so much for another day to share a conversation with you about anything & everything. One more hug. To hear that laugh of yours fill the room. I would give anything to hear you call me your daughter.
Love carried us here tonight, and though we don't mention it, you're on our minds and buried in our hearts. I find a star in the sky, and whisper to you through the car window:
"I wish you were here for this..."
I find myself saying that a lot lately, because before everything made sense. Made sense to him - to me - and to our lives. Without you, something is missing and we all feel it. I miss coming over your house and you welcoming me with open arms. Your chair is empty, and knowing that you won't be home tonight scares me. Your home is with God now.
Will you still watch over them as you did before ? Please assure them they'll be alright, because I can't seem to find the words. Hold them and promise them all the things I cannot. Teach me how to love as you did, give me strength and courage to help your family through this. You're the closest I've had to a dad, hold me too. Teach me how to fly...
Rest in Peace John Philip Brochhausen
August 27th 1957 - June 5th 2008 <3
1.21.2009
You're not alone.
My heart has like any others, ached. But in His love, has been renewed.
At Elevate earlier this month, Pastor Bert spoke about fear, and being afraid to let God close to our hearts. So I ask, why are we SO afraid ? He already knows our thoughts, our fears and wishes. Why do we push Him away ? Why can't we live to know He who has created us ?
We need to replace that fear, with Faith. God never forsakes us, nor does He let go of us. He is the beat of our hearts, the breath in our lungs. He's the all powerful, healer and Creator I've come to know.
"Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."
- Romans 8:14-17.
("Abba" is Aramaic for Father)
He heals brokenness and replaces sorrow with joy. He silences weeping with smiles. He takes what man has broken and makes it beautiful.
His perfect love casts out fear & in the storms of this life, we need not turn back, know He is near. Fear no evil, God is with you. You are never alone !
So I pray tonight, for all those hearts who have wandered off their path and have lost sight of God. Those who have given up. Those hearts who push Him away or do not know Him. I pray you open your hearts to His light, and you will never be the same.
At Elevate earlier this month, Pastor Bert spoke about fear, and being afraid to let God close to our hearts. So I ask, why are we SO afraid ? He already knows our thoughts, our fears and wishes. Why do we push Him away ? Why can't we live to know He who has created us ?
We need to replace that fear, with Faith. God never forsakes us, nor does He let go of us. He is the beat of our hearts, the breath in our lungs. He's the all powerful, healer and Creator I've come to know.
"Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."
- Romans 8:14-17.
("Abba" is Aramaic for Father)
He heals brokenness and replaces sorrow with joy. He silences weeping with smiles. He takes what man has broken and makes it beautiful.
His perfect love casts out fear & in the storms of this life, we need not turn back, know He is near. Fear no evil, God is with you. You are never alone !
So I pray tonight, for all those hearts who have wandered off their path and have lost sight of God. Those who have given up. Those hearts who push Him away or do not know Him. I pray you open your hearts to His light, and you will never be the same.
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