Grace.

&. this song is on my h e a r t ;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb3le1MHsH8

I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see anything

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again

I don't wanna walk, I don't wanna walk far from You

I just wanna live, I just wanna live like You do

As I stumble to the light of grace

You said You'd always have a place for me

Got a little scared, got a little scared in the woods

And everywhere I turn, everywhere I turn nothing's good

Then I saw a little light, saw a little light shine for me

And I found a little path, found a little path at my feet

As I fumble with the gift of my free will

He says hush now, listen to my voice, be still

My refuge, my Father

The only Living Water

I'm weary, I'm broken

I've cracked my heart wide open

Unholy, unworthy

And still You reassure me

You knew me before I knew myself

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again

-sj-

[(Resting this life, in the hands where it belongs)]

Changes.

Oh, how quickly life can turn around; in an instant.

Breathe in with the sunrise.

I'm ready to live. Love & laugh again. Be who I was before this began. I held my breath in until it hurt. The enemy made me question my worth. I a m l e t t i n g i t a l l g o . . . Any way the wind blows. Laying it down at the cross where it belongs. To carry out His will, I'm singing my songs. No more hiding in the shadows of where I once was. I almost lost myself and those I've come to love. It'll take some time to finish this road. Surrendering it all, until the end of my rope. I will not be defeated in this fight. Forward I push on not losing sight. Keeping my eyes from the storm and the chaos around me. I can't explain how but it's like learning to breathe. I wont feel the burdens weighing down on me. Like the forest bears a storm's fallen trees. I'll let the wind blow, the rivers flow, the sun shine, my heart be Thine. I'll br graced with life. In the palms of my Creator. The strength of His mercy, there is no love greater. I'll walk with careful feet, trusting He's got a hold on me. With the risen dawn, comes hope of a new day. He broke each fall, when I've gone astray. For I know this storm too shall pass and restoration will come for me. Hope of a new life, a new heart and soul to restore me. This testimony hasn't ended my story to follow, with brand new eyes, Father, I'll embrace each tomorrow.





This year I learned alot about myself. I was suffering for so long, I forgot how to breathe. Every morning it was hard to come to my feet. It felt like I was stuck, trying to get up, but something was pushing me down. I forgot how to laugh and enjoy the life I live. As much as I surrounded myself with people who I care about, I still felt alone, broken or not good enough. I kept questioning God, "why do I feel this? what is wrong with me?" Nothing was ever wrong with me, I just hadn't open my eyes to the entire picture. What I was doing was putting up a wall that sheltered me. I guarded my heart, I became bitter and pushed people away. I felt worthless and un-pretty. Selfish and tossed. But what I couldn't do was close the doors behind me. I let the past overwhelm my present and my future. No matter what I did, I just couldn't stop dwelling. But God promises better than what I've ever known."Forget former things, do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18)& W h a t I c o u l d n ' t a c c e p t w a s - G o d h a s a l r e a d y c o n q u e r e d t h i s . I stayed there for so long, hoping things would get better. That certain things would just go away if I avoided them. When my world would fall apart, I'd give into temporary joy. I already became prisoner. I couldn't find my way, no matter how many paths I tried to find. I gave up too easily. I wouldn't let God into my heart. I kept it locked away with heavy chains no one could pull apart. Not even me. So let me tell you, this has been one heck of a storm. Unlike any I have ever known. But this is where a story begins. My testimony of truth and restoration. The colors of hope and redemption. There is a brighter side, if you just let God in. Let it all go. Completely lay it at His feet. Learn to breathe all over again. Here's a song that's playing in my heart tonight; (Nichole Nordeman, "Sunrise")You are sunrise You are blue skies How would I know the morning If I knew not midnight? You’re my horizon You’re the light of a new dawn So thank You, thank You That after the long night, You are sunrise.-- I pray my story can be inspiration to those who are sinking. There's hope. Darkness lasts for the night, but in the morning, rejoice. After every storm, comes the sun :)Be Blessed, Friends.`. _ Danielle.

what am i so afraid of ?

Goodbye.

maybe i tried too hard

to hold onto the childhood i never had

i tried to reconnect lines

the ones i knew i shouldn't have

i've forgiven you for leaving

but, don't ever come back.

<>

Put the past behind you.

It started to sink in like a harsh reality. Like quicksand.

Before I could say anything, we were already sinking.

I put everything I had on the line for you, and you walked away.

Sometimes I wonder - was it even worth it ?

I thought it was.

(unfinished.)

your memory, lives in me.

June 2008.

3rd.
My heart beats fast and hard in the waiting room down the hall. The sound of fear filled the air. I stared at the painting on the ceiling. Butterflies, soaring through the sky. Floating on each breath of wind amongst the clouds. I wish you were free like them. "Today wasn't a good day..." But I was told - he loves me like a daughter; his daughter.


4th.
I kept hearing the word "pain". My heart ached & prayed. I wanted to see his face. Hold his hand. Pray for healing and strength with him. Tell him not to give up. Then I was called into his room. Silence. No one spoke a word. The sound of weeping broke the air. I understood this word pain now. There it was again, the still quiet and cold. The painting on the ceiling, sailboats. Gliding along the waves of the shore, being tossed and following the footsteps of the wind. I want you to dance with me. There's so much I don't know about you. There's spo much left to teach us. He opened his eyes and was told I was there. "I'm not dressed for the occasion" he said, and I had to leave. It finally crashed my heart - fast ! And those were the last words I heard from his lips.

5th.
This heart pounded with worry all day, and I tried to go through it as normal as possible. Everyone asked me questions I couldn't bear to answer. Just as my mind drifted off of it, a message rang my phone: "my father passed at 4:44pm" and I ran away, broke down, and I was never the same. I was confused and angry. This doesn't happen to good people. You don't lose your parents this young, this isn't real, it just isn't...

The next days were especially hard. He was gone, his picture remains in our minds and hearts. His presence still living on in our smiles and stories. He's still with us. Watching over us as we weep and mourn. As we rejoice and laugh. He's protecting us through his loss. He's with God now I told myself. He's safe and redeemed :)

Almost one year has passed, and it's been so difficult to accept. Through the strength and restoration of Our Father, we find hope and love.
A family is protected. A father is coping. A mother has company. Brothers and sisters find each other, and reminisce. A widow is never alone. Sons become more like him everyday. Family and friends are blessed to have known him.
What a beautiful man.

Rest in Peace John.
We miss you more with every waking sun & passing day <3